Friday, April 24, 2009

I Think I Can

 

 


A couple of weeks ago I took a quick trip to NWA with some friends. We went to a scrapbook store and I bought stuff for Evan's album. At the time I thought I would just buy the stuff and make the album when I was able to. I have thought about it a lot since then. The hour a day that I walk, I think about what I want to do for Evan's album. I have come to the conclusion that Evan does not have to have only one album and I don't have a time limit for scrapping his pictures. In 10 years if I want to get a picture of him out and scrap it I can. I have had several ideas and I think I am ready to start on one of his ablums.
Why am I posting this here? Accountability. Part of me wants to just think about this and never actually do it, but I really think it would help me to do this. I can journal how I feel about him and tuck it in a scrapbook and have it out there, but not too out there. I can cry over each page as I remember how soft his shoulders were and the blonde hair that was on his shoulders and arms. I can remember the swirl of hair on the top of his head and know that I have these memories written down. Not that I think I will ever forget, but they will be in somthing tangible that I can touch and look back on.
So I am going to get off the computer and do this.
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Edited to add - Ok, I worked on an album for a little while. I am using Bible verses that have sustained me through this. I will pull it back out later, it was much harder than I thought it would be.

7 comments:

Michelle said...

It looks like you got some beautiful stuff. I'm sorry that it was hard for you, but I hope that it was also theraputic. I think your attitude about the album/albums is great. Don't put a time limit on it. He will be in your heart and on your mind forever, so there's no to rush.

Julie said...

No time limit at all! I pray that it is theraputic for you as well. Love you!

adafloyd said...

What a brilliantly healthy, healing thing to do. I feel that when it feels like that... an internal push to preserve memories and gently grieve... it is the right time to begin. I'm not much of a scrapper but I throw myself into the March of Dimes or Kid's Place.

I hope the book brings a measure of peace as you create it - I'm certain it will for years to come.

I am still praying for your family.

Lexie said...

I was wondering if you were going to do something like this. Good for you! I hope it brings you a little healing.

StephF said...

Praying that you will feel comforted by this. Love you!

the alder boys said...

My name is Lesli and I stumbled onto your blog. I can't imagine what you are going through but just know that so many people are praying for you...even strangers.

Memoryvilla DT said...

I know this does not compare in anyway, but after we almost lost Charlie at Children's my mom made me scrapbook about the whole experience and write down everything I could remember. I have to tell you that at the time we still didn't know if she would be okay so it was very hard to do..but looking back now I am so thankful that I went ahead and wrote things down, memories, etc....because even though certain memories will always be with you...there seem to be a lot of little things one can forget over time. I am thankful I can look back at my journaling now...

I love you and Julie is right...there is no time limit..but I honestly believe it will bring you some peace and be theraputic.

love, April