Friday, April 03, 2009

Holding On To Hope



My sweet friend Rhonda got this book for me after Evan passed away. I think I need to buy this book in bulk and hand it out. As I read the first chapter it just hit me how she was feeling so much of what I was feeling. I told someone the other day that I was so tired of telling people that I was fine. I am not fine. I will be one day, but right now I am just so sad. I can have moments of feeling normal and then I crash. I had a wonderful day yesterday with some friends, then I came home and my mood just went downhill fast. I just crashed. I am so lucky I have a wonderful husband who just takes care of me when I do that. I just want to tell people it is OK for me to be sad and cry. The thing is I think most people I talk to would totally understand that, it is me who has the problem. It is hard to go through all these emotions where people can see me. I am just rambling now. The point is if you are hurting, or know someone who is hurting, this book helps. alot.

10 comments:

The Dortenzos said...

Hi! You don't know me but I found your blog through someone elses! I just wanted to tell you that it is OK to feel totally lonely, crazy, out of control, etc. I lost our first child to stillbirth 6 years ago and I still have days when I feel "manic"! I pray that you continue to find hope and peace in Christ and allow Him to walk you through each day and learn how to live with loss! It will always be a part of you (sometimes a good part, sad part, bad part, etc.) but I am certain it will be used for incredible things! Lord be near this sweet woman!!! Blessings to you and thanks for sharing your story!

Kristina said...

Hi Monica, I will be praying for you through the day.

StephF said...

Praying for you. It is ok not to be fine. Love you!

The Shaw's said...

my love and prayers are with you sweet friend. And 1 year from now, and 3 years from now, and 7 years and 2 days from now when you don't feel OK... when you still want him back and you still feel sad and broken hearted. You can tell me. I will always be here for you, no matter what mood you are in. : ) Our hope endures the worst of conditions, it's more than our optimism, let the earth quake, our hope is unchanged.

Courtney said...

You can call me or text or email or whatever, whenever, and I will listen to anything, everything, nothing...whatever you need. I know you aren't ok. You never will be "ok" again. And that is perfectly fine to me, and should be to the world. Only other people who have lost a child know the pain that you will go through. And anyone who says that you are fine, need to get over it, need to move on, whatever....you don't need them. And....tell me who they are and I will whoop their asses! I love you! And I'm always here....trust me.

Ang said...

It is ok to be sad, you have to dig down into those sad feelings in order to push off.

Melissa said...

You have every right to feel sad. Do not apologize for your feelings or try to cover them up. Those that love you understand and will be there for you. You need to grieve.
Prayers are with you...

adafloyd said...

Been thinking about you a lot lately. I certainly understand... I had one of those moments today, 2 years after Kaden died. Just happened to see a baby that reminded me of him. No, it never goes away, but it does get better - fewer and further between. I am so glad you are blessed with a supportive family and such a wonderful husband. And that you recognize that you are "ok" when you are sad.

I will continue to pray. Please call if you need. I am always happy to listen.

ada

Julie said...

I love you, sweet friend. I understand if you are not fine and it is okay if you are sad. I will be here for you. Always. And Forever. And always. I love you.

Chelsea Pang said...

I have added that book to my list! Thank you for your testimony and story of your child. We lost our baby to Trisomy 18 in September. Praying for the Lord's sufficient grace in your life!