I think I need to kind of rewrite the last post. I had so much going through my mind and I don't think it all came out right or made much sense.
I have several wonderful friends who have just spent time with me and not talked about Evan or talked about Evan, whatever I needed at the time. I had lunch with a friend on Friday and we talked about Evan, not his death, but about Evan. Then I went to the school to work in the office like I used to (I think Sean was relieved I was getting out of the house for a while) and I talked about Evan some more. I have made some great friends volunteering at the school and it was nice to have a Friday afternoon that wasn't busy and I just talked about him. What I am struggling with more now are the people who are friends, but not good friends. The people, who I think are concerned and have their hearts in the right place, but have no idea what to say to us. I am afraid of breaking down in front of them. My close friends I don't really have that fear, if I cried in front of them they would cry with me and we would go on. That is a little uncomfortable with the mom of your daughters teammate who you are not that close to.
I had a breakdown at Gracie's softball game last night. I took something that should not have bothered me and completely blew it up. Then barely made it to the car before I broke down. My sis-in-law just sat in the car with me until I was OK and I went back to the game. I think I made a lot of people uncomfortable, crying will do that.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I will cry, it may be in Target or at a ball game or in my house. I try to keep it together until I can get somewhere not so public, but I am going to cry because sometimes it just gets to be too much. I just wish it didn't make people so uncomfortable.
I hope that made more sense.
Friday....I'm in Love
5 years ago