Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Eight Weeks Ago

I had a baby. And seven weeks ago yesterday I let him go. When will I stop measuring time this way. It just hurts. All day I will think of what I was doing this time 8 weeks ago. At 4:15 today I will be getting home from picking up the kids from school, but 8 weeks ago Evan was born. Why do I do this to myself and when will it stop. Ya know, a couple of weeks ago, Julie gave me permission to do what I needed to do for me and not care what anyone else thinks or worry if it makes anyone else uncomfortable. So I think I am just going to go back to bed. If you have a chance today please
say a prayer for me. I really just need it today.


Rebecca said...

Praying fervently for you today, through my own tears.


Lexie said...

you've got my prayers

adafloyd said...

It's days, then weeks, then finally months and years... it is a journey and I am so glad you are giving yourself permission to simply be. Grieve, go back to bed, scream, cry... do what you have to do. It is all good.

It does come in time, Monica. I can't say when it will happen for you, but I started to have the longer stretches of time after about 3 months. I started thinking in terms of months then, and after the first year, it went to years. I can only pray that you will find peace in between these "anniversaries".

If there is anything I can do, you know I am here. Still praying...


Julie said...

I've been a bad blog checker lately, but you've been on my heart and in my prayers for the past few days. I pray for you always, but the past few days, I have really been praying for you.

Love you, sweetie. Always and no matter what. I love you.