Monday, March 08, 2010

Sean 4 Evan

I learned quite early on in this journey that men grieved differently than women. I pretty much would go to bed, put the covers over my head, eat chocolate, and cry. Sean not so much. Sean is an on the go kind of guy anyway. I mean, he supported me and I supported him in the grief process, but we realized early on that we just grieved differently and that was OK. Sean went out and bought a 66 chevelle. He has always wanted one and Evan taught him that life was short. Too short to waste wanting something and not doing anything about it. That car is a big part of Sean's grieving process. Neither of us can look at that car without thinking of Evan (in a good way). The marathon was a lot like the car. When we were in Little Rock at Childrens with Evan the Little Rock Marathon was ran. We could see part of the route from the hospital. After Evan passed away, Sean said that he wanted to run the Little Rock Marathon in honor of Evan in 2010. So yesterday Sean and his brother, who flew down from Minnesota to run with him, ran the Little Rock Marathon. Sean's brother came in 32nd in the race. Sean finished in just under 5 hours. He had Sean 4 Evan on his chest. This is the way my amazing husband grieves. To say that I am so proud of him is an understatement. I am so fortunate to have him as we go along this journey. He helped me realize that we grieve differently. He has talked me through the guilt I have felt about Evan. More recently he has helped me see that we need to celebrate Evan and not just be sad. I would still be in my bed with the covers pulled over my head crying and that is just not the way I need to honor Evan. Running 26.2 miles may be a little out of reach for me, but he did it. He did it.


Rebecca said...

Wow. Amazing how different people grieve, isn't it? Sean sounds like an amazing father to honor his son in this way!

The Shaw's said...

I just love that he did this. It's so amazing. And I LOVE that is what he had put on his sticker. Wow! Amazing love. A precious way to celebrate his life in the city he was born in.

Julie said...

I'm bawling.

I love you guys! I love Evan!

chadandnikki said...

That's so awesome. Love it.

adafloyd said...

I cannot tell you how amazed I am at you both. I respect his commitment to something so big. I remember us doing something similar in OKC with the March of Dimes, so I understand. And you... Monica, you don't give yourself enough credit for the amazing things you do. Everyday you take kids to school, ball practice, or whatever thing is going on, you honor your son as well. I am so grateful to hear you are reaching a new level of grief now, though, and are ready to embrace the idea of honoring in place of grieving.

I am in deep prayer for your family tonight as you bring your newest addition into the world. I am secretly (ok, not so secretly) grateful that God got you past the birthday, if not the anniversary.

And finally, I am SOOO sorry I am writing this today and not yesterday. I am well aware of how important it is to have others remember too... and all month I've been telling myself to not forget to call you, and I did. My dear friend, I am so sorry.

I hope this new addition will bring some additional joy to this month for you and help to heal you just a little more, as Sophia did for me.

I love you all, and wish you all the best with this coming year.