Wednesday, June 10, 2009

He Would Have Been Three Months Old Today.


I miss him.

The song "Always" has been on my mind all day.
I believe always, always
The Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain
And His promise remains
He will be with you.

After Evan passed away I could not listen to this song. The first verse say "He would have been three today, I miss his smile, I miss his face." I just could not fathom there would be a day when Evan should be three, I could not look that far into the future. To be quite honest, I still can't. I miss him, I can't really miss his smile, because I never saw him smile. I do miss his little six toed foot. I do miss how he would relax when we got to hold him. I do miss how he held our fingers and how much seemed to love that. I do miss Sean guessing how much his diapers would weigh after each diaper change. I miss being able to touch his soft skin.
I miss him.

11 comments:

chadandnikki said...

You're a great mom to all your babies. Praying for you.

Becca {Sweet Pea and Pumpkin} said...

I miss getting know and love him. I miss that our church will never know his sweet face or hear his giggle. We miss him too. We will not forget.

The Shaw's said...

Oh Monica... I am so sorry you aren't holding your precious six toed little man today on his three month birthday. I know you miss him desperately. I am praying for you sweet friend.

Brandi said...

I cant begin to imagine how you feel right now, just remember that you are stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for and every day just by getting up and creating a new normal for your family and continuing to be a wonderful mother to your kids is the best possible thing to do to help you all heal. Evan is still with you every second and I know his little angel heart is so proud of his family.

Michelle said...

I have no words. I am so sorry. I wish you didn't have to have this pain.

Rebecca said...

My heart aches for you. I know all about missing your baby desperately. I recently found the verse Ps. 34:18 and I just keep repeating to myself, "He is near to the brokenhearted. He is near to the brokenhearted."

praying He is near to you today.

A Moment 2 Remember said...

I just want to say that I will be praying for you and your family. I don't know the kind of pain that you are going thru but God is faithful and true. Evan is in heaven ,in no pain having a wondeful time. Some day you will see him again and he will have the biggest smile on his face. I will be praying.

Julie said...

Love you. Always remembering Evan!

Lexie said...

I know you miss him, but he won't be forgotten. Not by you, your family or any of your friends.

adafloyd said...

Thinking of you lots this week, Monica. Today is 4 years for us. Too hard to comprehend... I'm sorry I don't words of wisdom or faith today. I hope your wounds are healing...

Paula said...

I tried to post hope this is not a duplicate.

I don't know your pain personaly but I grieve with you. A dear friend of mine is losing her first grandson to a terminal illness (8 months old) and every day we cry and pray. May Jesus never let you go.