Wordless Wednesday

*Photos by Julie Jones :)

Fall Pics

Julie did an amazing job! I am having trouble picking which to print off for frames and which one I want to use for Christmas cards, even which to put on my blog!

Julie - Thank you so much! You have captured some of my most treasured family pictures!

He is Eight

I just snuggled him and told him eight years ago right now he was still in my tummy. It just does not seem possible. He is eight. I love you my sweet red haired, freckle faced, cartoon loving, little man!

*photo taken by the amazing Julie Amber!

Viking Sunday

Little Man is not looking at the camera, but I thought they were so cute in their matching Farve jerseys playing football at half time!

Joy

Meet Baby Bum. We did not find out of Baby Bum is a girl or a boy, even though S/he tried really hard to show us! We did find out that Baby Bum does not have rocker bottom feet. Baby Bum does not have a cleft lip or palette. Baby Bum does not have anything that would cause the doctor to be concerned or think that Baby Bum is anything but a normal, growing baby. The ultrasound tech even got some amazing shots of the heart and those images ruled out 98% of all heart defects. To say Sean and I walked out of the doc's office with a huge weight off our shoulders would be an understatement. The US Tech spent all the time we needed looking at anything we asked her to. She said that God was with us because the baby was in the perfect position to get the images we needed. Sean told her 21 weeks of anxiety was just lifted. I think for the first time in a long time I felt just pure joy. Thankful. Blessed. Joyful.

Cute Boots

at least I think so. Sean bought them for me a while back and I thought they would look cute with the skirt I wore today. The problem is I am 20 weeks pregnant. I am so swollen (I always swell bad and early on) and these cute boots were not made for 20 week pregnant, swollen legs.



Sorry, maybe I should have posted a warning of gross feet pictures! They looked fine this morning when I left for the school ( I was subbing today), but when I got home my legs were spilling out over the top of the boots (not cute) and there were huge indentations where my ankles usually are. So, no more cute boots for me this year. I will be wearing tennis shoe or something comfy!

One Word

My friend Michelle tagged me. This was harder than you would think!

**The Rules~ Use only one word, pass along to six favorite bloggers, and tell them you did so.
1. Where is your cell phone?computer table
2. Your hair? dirty
3. Your mother? in heaven
4. Your father? amazing
5. Your favorite food? Mexican
6. Your dream last night? anxiety
7. Your favorite drink? water
8. Your dream/goal? organization
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? crafts
11. Your fear? rejection
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? complete
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? books
17. Where did you grow up? Arkansas
18. Last thing you did? eat
19. What are you wearing? PJs
20. Your TV? on
21. Your pets? Barbie Belle B. (the big black lab)
22. Friends? many
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? happy
25. Missing someone? always
26. Vehicle? dirty
27. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? pink (today)
30. When was the last time you laughed? last night
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? target
34. One person who emails me regularly? facebook
35. Favorite place to eat? home
So now it's your turn!
I really don't know who to tag. So if you want to do this then I tag you! :P
Please let me know if you do it, I would like to read it!

Trick or Treat!

The kids had a blast! I love our neighborhood! We invited some friends to go with us and all 5 kids names start with "G" ! I think I was tongue tied all night. They got a lot of candy and had a lot of fun playing afterward and Sean played with his car so all in all, it was a good night!

Cora and Carson Came All the Way to Arkansas

to see us!! Aaron and Kelly came with them also! Ha! They watched some softball and soccer. We took them to the fall festival at our church. We also had some family pictures taken. I cannot wait to get them back. I love all the fall leaves and since fall kind of skipped Minnesota it was fun to get pics of the kids playing in all the leaves. The trip went way too fast! I know it is stressful to travel with two kids under the age of two, but I really hope they had a good time!

Please Pray

Chad, Nikki, and Clayton welcomed baby Johanna this morning. She spent some time with her family then went to Heaven. I know this family is being surrounded in prayer, but my heart is just breaking for them.
http://chadandnikki.blogspot.com/

Nothing like going through photos

from this mornings soccer game and coming across this gem.


I don't believe she was hurt and I know he was going for the ball, but this just looks bad!


I like these better! Big kick!!



Celebrating GW's last second goal!!!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month

October is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance month, and the 15th is the day of the month that is singled out to remember. I am not really sure what I want to say, but I have met some of the most amazing women in the past 7 months. Their babies are precious and so loved and missed. So throughout the day I will be thinking of these women and their families and praying.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

I love this picture of Little Man. He looks like he is praying before he punts it!
Life has just been so busy lately. Right now we have at least one activity every night, sometimes two. So we are running around and getting children to this practice or that game. We have learned a lesson though. We will never allow our family get this committed again. Sean and I are in a parenting Bible study right now and the first lesson was about our children being experience rich, but relationship poor. A few days later MG had a friend over and it became very clear that she is experience rich, but relationship poor. I really think slowing down a little bit is in our future. Anyway, Baby Bum is moving around and kicking like the soccer player s/he is probably born to be! Sean's brother and his family are coming in a couple of weeks and we are so excited!!! There is a lot going and a lot to look forward to!

Thank you

for the love and reassurance. It really means so much to me. I did realize that I did not share any info on the new baby though. I am almost 16 weeks. S/he is due on March 23rd. I think this has contributed to a lot of my anxieties. Evan was due on March 27th. I am pretty much reliving everything from a year ago, and a year ago I could not even imagine what my life would be like now. The name for a girl is the same, it is very special to us, Carolina Faith. I told Sean that he could name a son anything he wanted to so he has chosen Brett (probably) Dayton. He waivers on the middle name, probably because I vetoed it with Evan. Dayton means happy, sunny day and that would probably be a good thing in our lives about now. We are not going to find out if the baby is a girl or boy. Sean loves that part and it was something fun at a stressful time. The doc who delivered Evan had to tell me 3 times it was a boy! I was sooooo sure Evan was a girl. I will not even begin to try to guess with this baby. Anyway, thank you again. I am starting to feel some of the anxiety fall away and it helps the more people who know and are truly happy for us.

Fear not, for I am with you:

be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
When the pregnancy test was positive I felt joy like I have not felt in a long time. Pure joy. I cried and I prayed and started trying to come up with a fun way to tell Sean.
Then the fear set in.
Then the guilt set in.
And I have allowed these fears and guilt to steal my joy. Telling people was always a double edge sword. I am afraid that it looks like I am replacing Evan. It is so hard to say "I'm pregnant" with out saying "I am not replacing Evan." In my head I know that everyone is happy for us, but I just cannot shake the fear. Sean has dealt with all of this so much easier than I have. He says that Evan would love having an Irish twin. He says that Evan does not want to see us fall into the pit of grief in March, so he gave us a reason to be happy. Anticipating his 6 month birthday was bad. I felt like I was going crazy. I can only imagine what his birthday would be like.
I know God has perfect timing.
I know fear does not come from God.
I know I am not replacing Evan.
So I am trying to be happy without that guilt in the background. I am trying to concentrate on the life growing inside of me. I am remembering my son and still grieving. And I am proclaiming Isaiah 41:10.

There is Another Baby Bum in the Oven

and to say we have been on an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. We are above all happy. Evan has been in the front of our minds with this pregnancy to say the least though. While in our heads we know the chance of another baby with trisomy 13 is very low (our doc said it would be like lightning striking twice) it is still a very real fear. Anything going wrong is a very real fear. We have decided against amnio because frankly it would not make any difference. We would still chose the same path as before. The fact that we did not know Evan had trisomy 13 was very rare and we just do not feel like the risk is worth the information. Especially when it would make no difference. We know we gave Evan every chance at life and we would do that for any of our children.
With all that being said. We lost Evan 6 months ago today. So today is all about Evan. I am sure his little brother or sister will understand. Six months ago was by far the hardest day of my life. I miss you every day.

I Just Could Not Let Today Pass.

The past 6 months I have had good days and I have had bad days. Today has been awful. Evan is 6 months old today. I just really don't know what to do with myself, so I just cry. This is really not a very good picture, but it is the first time I really got to see him and touch him. He was an hour old and was about to be taken to Childrens. He had a machine breathing for him instead of me. In a few hours we would start hearing the word Trisomy in relation to our child. Not a family we are praying for or wondering how they are surviving this, but OUR child. In some ways it seems so long ago, but in some ways just like yesterday. Happy Half Birthday Evan.

Wordless Wednesday - My Hard Working Goalie

How Many Children Do You Have?

It should be an easy question. It is not. I mean, I know the salesman who is asking just to act like he is interested does not really care how many children I have, but people I just meet at church or school who do not know us do. If I say 3, then I have to explain that we have Evan, but he is just not here, he is in Heaven. This usually makes people uncomfortable. The alternative is to say we have two. That is leaving Evan out. That is just something I CANNOT bring myself to do. So I don't know how to do this. I usually end up rambling to someone and either make them really uncomfortable or make them cry. The crying thing I don't mind because truth be told, I am usually on the verge of crying myself and it makes me feel better if they are crying with me. I just hate making people uncomfortable and I really just don't know how to handle that question. Now I am just rambling. If you have any experience or any ideas how to handle this please let me know. It seems to come up a lot lately and I am getting more and more self conscious about it.

I'm Still Here

The past couple of weeks have just been so overwhelming. My migraines are back, the kids were gone for a week, and then I got sick so I will update later, but I will share a song that has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks.
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Sean's First Car Show

Well, with a car to show. GW really was not that grumpy. He got up at 6:15 to leave the house at 6:30 with Sean and I took this picture around 11:00. He was done by then. We are now at home in the air conditioning and he is playing with his superheros. Anyway. It was fun to see Sean out there. He loves that car and he was around other people who loves cars. It was good to see him so happy.

Days Like Today

When there is nothing on the calendar, are pretty great.

Here it is

The blurry, off-center, odd angle, badly lit photo of my new hair cut. I have yet to master the taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror yet. It would probably help if the lighting in my house was not so odd. But anywho. I cut off my hair and had it highlighted. I have not had it highlighted since I found out I was pregnant with Evan so it had been a year. I am happy to be a non-dirty blond again. I may have Sean take a better picture when he gets home tonight.

Nice, Relaxing Summer Break

or not. We have been pretty much running nonstop. We have gone to Minnesota twice. MG has had speed camps, conditioning camps, tennis lessons, and softball. Soccer starts back tomorrow. GW has been a bit more laid back. Lots of swimming and he has had goalie lessons. School starts back in like 3 weeks. It has just flown by. So this is pretty much a post about nothing, but at least there are pictures! MG playing ball, she got her hair chopped off, I need some pics of that! Sean and GW riding the lawn mower around, fun stuff for a 7 year old. Barbie running around the back yard with her sacrificial lamb, she carries that thing all over the place. And finally, GW trying to learn to dive. One day there may actually be pictures of me!LOL!

Evan's Name in the Sand

I cannot get the whole post to show up. To see the entire post go to http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/search?q=evan+andrew
The woman who does this also lost a baby. She does this to help remember other babies and children who are no longer with us. It is such a beautiful way to remember.

Wordless Wednesday

It's that time again

Ya know, between the 10th and the 16th, when I am just a little crazy.
So I will just share something that has inspired me lately. I love Addison Road and this song just hits me.

Minnesota in July

Favorite Picture Blog Hop

I just could not resist doing this one. Picking one favorite picture is the problem! I think I will go with this one! I didn't think about people who do not know our story coming here. This is Evan. He was born on March 10, 2009. On March 13 we found out that he had Trisomy 13. He passed away on March 16th. We cherish every moment we had with him. This is one of my favorite pictures of him.