How Many Children Do You Have?

It should be an easy question. It is not. I mean, I know the salesman who is asking just to act like he is interested does not really care how many children I have, but people I just meet at church or school who do not know us do. If I say 3, then I have to explain that we have Evan, but he is just not here, he is in Heaven. This usually makes people uncomfortable. The alternative is to say we have two. That is leaving Evan out. That is just something I CANNOT bring myself to do. So I don't know how to do this. I usually end up rambling to someone and either make them really uncomfortable or make them cry. The crying thing I don't mind because truth be told, I am usually on the verge of crying myself and it makes me feel better if they are crying with me. I just hate making people uncomfortable and I really just don't know how to handle that question. Now I am just rambling. If you have any experience or any ideas how to handle this please let me know. It seems to come up a lot lately and I am getting more and more self conscious about it.

I'm Still Here

The past couple of weeks have just been so overwhelming. My migraines are back, the kids were gone for a week, and then I got sick so I will update later, but I will share a song that has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks.
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?